A SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables.
It approaches, and asks "may I join you? "
My new thesaurus is terrible. In fact, it's so bad, I'd say it's terrible.
Which side of the chicken has more feathers? The outside.
What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop!
Remember, the best angle to approach a problem from is the "try" angle.
If Bill Gates had a dime for every time Windows crashed. Oh wait, he does.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
Archaeology really is a career in ruins.
Can February march? No, but April may.
How are false teeth like stars? They come out at night!
Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
Why did the belt go to prison? He held up a pair of pants!
Pie is $2. 50 in Jamaica and $3. 00 in The Bahamas. These are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.
Why don't skeletons ride roller coasters? They don't have the stomach for it.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for fresh prints.
What did the Dorito farmer say to the other Dorito farmer? Cool Ranch!
It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope. It will still be stationary.
Two muffins were sitting in an oven, and the first looks over to the second, and says, “man, it’s really hot in here”. The second looks over at the first with a surprised look, and answers, “WHOA, a talking muffin!”
What do you give a sick lemon? Lemonaid.
Why are oranges the smartest fruit? Because they are made to concentrate.
Today I learned that changing random stuff until your program works is "hacky" and a "bad coding practice" but if you do it fast enough it's "Machine Learning" and pays 4x your current salary.
My husband and I were happy for 20 years. And then we met.
Why can't you use "Beef stew" as a password? Because it's not stroganoff.
What's the difference between a rooster and a crow? A rooster can crow but a crow cannot rooster.
Two C strings walk into a bar.
The bartender asks "What can I get ya? "
The first string says "I'll have a gin and tonic. "
The second string thinks for a minute, then says "I'll take a tequila sunriseJF ()#$JF (#)$(@J#()$@#())! *FNIN! OBN134ufh1ui34hf9813f8h8384h981h3984h5F! ##@"
The first string apologizes, "You'll have to excuse my friend, he's not null-terminated. "
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
What don't watermelons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
So, I heard this pun about cows, but it’s kinda offensive so I won’t say it. I don’t want there to be any beef between us.
What do you call cheese by itself? Provolone.
