What do you give a sick lemon? Lemonaid.
Can February march? No, but April may.
What did the Dorito farmer say to the other Dorito farmer? Cool Ranch!
Why is there always a gate around cemeteries? Because people are always dying to get in.
I have a joke about Stack Overflow, but you would say it's a duplicate.
It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope. It will still be stationary.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs, because they take everything literally.
What don't watermelons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop!
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for fresh prints.
What was a more important invention than the first telephone? The second one.
Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar and doesn't.
My friend said to me: "What rhymes with orange" I said: "no it doesn't"
Two C strings walk into a bar.
The bartender asks "What can I get ya? "
The first string says "I'll have a gin and tonic. "
The second string thinks for a minute, then says "I'll take a tequila sunriseJF ()#$JF (#)$(@J#()$@#())! *FNIN! OBN134ufh1ui34hf9813f8h8384h981h3984h5F! ##@"
The first string apologizes, "You'll have to excuse my friend, he's not null-terminated. "
My new thesaurus is terrible. In fact, it's so bad, I'd say it's terrible.
Which side of the chicken has more feathers? The outside.
Where do you learn to make banana splits? At sundae school.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.
What did one wall say to the other wall? I'll meet you at the corner!
Archaeology really is a career in ruins.
"Honey, go to the store and buy some eggs. "
"OK. "
"Oh and while you're there, get some milk. "
He never returned.
What's the difference between a rooster and a crow? A rooster can crow but a crow cannot rooster.
What did the calculator say to the student? You can count on me.
Why are oranges the smartest fruit? Because they are made to concentrate.
Why can't you use "Beef stew" as a password? Because it's not stroganoff.
Doctor: Do you want to hear the good news or the bad news?
Patient: Good news please.
Doctor: we're naming a disease after you.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
Is the pool safe for diving? It deep ends.
A SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables.
It approaches, and asks "may I join you? "
