How does Darth Vader like his toast? On the dark side.
What do you do when you see a space man?
Park your car, man.
what do you call a dog that can do magic tricks? a labracadabrador
I bought shoes from a drug dealer once. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.
So, I heard this pun about cows, but it’s kinda offensive so I won’t say it. I don’t want there to be any beef between us.
"Honey, go to the store and buy some eggs. "
"OK. "
"Oh and while you're there, get some milk. "
He never returned.
There are only 10 kinds of people in this world: those who know binary and those who don't.
What did the ocean say to the beach? Thanks for all the sediment.
What was a more important invention than the first telephone? The second one.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs, because they take everything literally.
What’s the difference between an African elephant and an Indian elephant? About 5000 miles.
I burned 2000 calories today, I left my food in the oven for too long.
My friend told me that pepper is the best seasoning for a roast, but I took it with a grain of salt.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
Where do cats write notes?
Scratch Paper!
Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory? Lack of concentration.
It's been months since I bought the book "how to scam people online". It still hasn't turned up.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's ok, he woke up.
Someone asked me, what's the ninth letter of the alphabet? It was a complete guess, but I was right.
Why don't skeletons ride roller coasters? They don't have the stomach for it.
How do you make Lady Gaga cry? Poker face.
Where do you learn to make banana splits? At sundae school.
I have a joke about Stack Overflow, but you would say it's a duplicate.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for fresh prints.
What do you call a pig that knows karate? A pork chop!
My boss told me to attach two pieces of wood together. I totally nailed it!
Why don't sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
Which side of the chicken has more feathers? The outside.
